lack of reserve

Waiting for a new dawn to emerge over the dull, misty horizon, impatient and panicky even, anxious that it's taking too long. The noble being, the being of largesse, needs no plaudits, nor affirmations. She is her own affirmation. Her heart is great, sufficiently large and capacious to take in and overcome the world's silence, or its incomprehension. Yet some might say there is a tightrope between narcissism and big-heartedness.

I want to object to this objection and draw a distinction between the narcissistic and the numinous, the self-luminous. I want to suggest that when you bathe yourself in a light that is powerful enough to absorb even the darkness of the world, then your cosmology is strong and inclusive. But I'm not sure yet if this holds.

I suppose a key difference would be between a sensibility on the one hand that simply obliterates the other from view (hyper-narcissism) or relates to it as hostile (paranoia) or as a mere vehicle for self-expansion (Trumpism and other species of the neo-liberal) and on the other, what...? A compassionate and bold largesse that is able to integrate the foreign even in its foreignness - its foreignness to me, its lack of value or utility, its inability to understand me, even its emnity. But the clouds roll in again, I feel my logic's somehow already broken down and i have become caught up in a vicious cycle of individualism. Could a clue be found in return to 'reserve' ? Is reserve, somehow essential to a notion of 'bad' individualism (let me keep behind what's mine?) and conversely - against upbringing and tradition, disinhibition (unresevedness) at the core of this elusive 'good' (noble, big-hearted, open) disposition I find myself straining towards?